Creature Comforts: Sleeping Arrangements for Dragons

Dragons, it will not surprise you to know, need a lot of space in bed; they are large creatures after all. Not only that, but the dragon gets very hot whilst snoozing under the covers. The fire breathing dragon snuffles and snores with the best of them and requires something substantial with a solid base beneath him or her. As much as we have all read about dragons coveting treasure, they do not like sleeping on lumpy surfaces; even if that may be a pile of bloody great treasure.

No, the dragon needs a bed, preferably a four poster, of course, which is exceedingly well made and comfortable. Dragons, often, spend a lot of time in battle for this or that, and when they come home after a fierce day fighting for their desires, they wish, merely, to relax in splendour. A good bed base, wood for wooden dragons, brass for metal dragons, granite for earth dragons, amber for fire dragons, and a water bed, of course, for our water dragons. Strangely, the water bed has fallen out of fashion; who can forget the trials and tribulations of copulating in a water bed? It was always terribly difficult to get a purchase or a foothold when thrusting.

But, seriously folks, creature comforts: sleeping arrangements for dragons are no laughing matter. Bedroom furniture is a high priority for all the dragons I know; if you can’t be comfy in the sack, where on earth can you be? Personally, I like a timber bed frame, and if it is well finished it hardly ever gets singed; only when I, perchance, have a bad dream. I, generally, like to lie on my back, snout facing upward to the ceiling, and sleep in this position for the largest part of the evening. A beautiful and well designed piece of wooden bedroom furniture can bring a shine to me eye.

Dragons may keep some gold beneath their bed, but nothing that will poke too high into the springs or slats of the bed base. No golden swords or spears, no jousting sticks or jewel encrusted maces, and no large bulky treasure chests. A cellar is best advised to keep all these objects out of the bedroom, so that a creature can get undisturbed rest. A good night’s sleep is probably more important to a dragon than some of your other mythical beasts. Trolls, for instance, now don’t get me started on trolls….

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